I’m sure there are many posts about sleeping children. Things like “you can’t be angry at a sleeping child” or “she is so beautiful/cute/precious when they are sleeping.” And I agree.
However, tonight I did something that I hadn’t done with Evie since she was an infant. I held her as she fell asleep. I’m not even sure why I did that. We got to the end of the book (World of Ballet), I turned off the light and announced “I’m going to sleep with you tonight honey.” I closed my eyes, put my arm on her back, and proceeded to be amazed that there was no push back, no “No Daddy!”, no distractive “can you put on my crickets (the sound machine).” Just a gentle calming of her breathing as she closed her eyes right next to mine.
I can’t even say why this seemed special to me. But it was. There is something comforting knowing that your daughter feels safe, secure, peaceful, content, whatever-she-needs-to-feel-to-go-asleep when you are laying next to her.
I made sure she was asleep for a few minutes and then slowly, gently crawled out of her bed. Somehow I just feel more competent as a dad, something that is in short supply around here when she regularly tells me that she loves mommy more than daddy. But I’m okay now. Until the next time she drives me crazy….