What Every Parent Thinks When Their Youngest Starts Kindergarten

This is a guest blog by an anonymous friend. His third child just started kindergarten and in celebration, I asked him what he is going to do with all his free time. Well, his answer was so dang funny and spot-on, I had to share it here.

So what now for me?

So glad you asked!

After less than a decade (a mere 9.5 years) of having the very life sucked directly out of me, I’ve decided it is time for a well-earned break for 3 years, so that I can regain my composure.

I have answered to the very beck and call of three young dictators, over 9 years, and now, I say, it is time for some MAJOR pay-back.

So, here is how things will roll from today forward…

When I’m done on the toilet, I expect my butt to be wiped, thoughtfully, caringly, and lovingly. Later, I also expect my teeth to be brushed, gently, and flossed, but not by me. Should I accidentally wet myself, or my bed, I expect complete decorum and a discreet change of linens, immediately.

I expect meals to be prepared, to my precise, exacting standards. No ingredient that I do not approve of shall EVER be used. If I see any ingredient that looks suspicious, I will veto the entire meal.

From this day forth I will be driven to any activity or party that I may desire to attend. A gift will be purchased and wrapped on my behalf. If I change my mind about the party, then I will not attend. Any whim will be honoured.

I will be the focal point.

If the party is actually for me, well that’s a different story. Then there will be much hype and suitable fanfare. A decent amount of dollars will be forked out in my honour. Entertainers will be engaged to entrance my many guests. And I would like an exotic venue too. And a jumping castle. Also, I would like to have cookies freshly baked and delivered, in person, on the actual day of my birthday, to me and my friends wherever we may be.

I expect to receive a lot of toys for my birthday.

I would like to take up some new interests, perhaps a new instrument, and a new sport or hobby, or two. I desire to be driven to all the above activities and equipment provided – unless I should decide not to go, on any given day, for any reason, which I may or may not disclose, at my discretion.

Now, I have given all the above and more for 9+ years, but in return, I only desire 3 years of payback. I am a parent after all. So my 3 years starts….. now!

If he can make this happen, I’m sure he could go on tour doing presentations on how he did it. $1000 per ticket sounds right to me. Or maybe more?

Categories: Friends, Fun

1 reply »

  1. Cute post… As I’m currently helping attend to the needs of my 98 year old grandma, it reminds me that life comes full circle. Your friend may get his wish, but it will probably take about 30-40 years or more.

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