Thanks to modern network TV, we’ve all seen that weird sport practiced by the cabin-fever-addled people who live in cold, dark countries. That’s right, curling. It’s a strange combination of stones, brooms, hacks, and houses that somehow made into the Olympic repertoire.

So now take those images of stones slowly gliding across ice and replace that with soaped-up human beings. I was witness to, as far as we know, the first human curling contest in the world.

Replace the ice with plastic, water, and dish soap. Replace the stone with a man curled up in a fetal position, and replace the house with a simple distance measurement and you have the basics.

This is what happens when you take 100 men to a YMCA camp and give them some free time and the opportunity to compete. It was fierce. It was slippery. It was fun. My team came in third, and if you ever get the chance to play this great game for yourself, remember this lesson: weight is good, more weight is better, aim uphill.